Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder

During my first hospitalization five years ago, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD). I walked into the hospital and told the receptionist, “I don’t want to kill myself, but I don’t want to live.” At first, they were not going to admit me because I wasn’t directly threatening suicide. However, the psychiatrist recognized … Continue reading Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder

Existential Depression and the Search for Meaning

“Man is nothing else but what he makes of himself” -Jean Paul Sartre Existentialists believe that there is no inherent meaning or purpose in life, but that it is up to the individual to determine what their life means to them. Life is ambiguous and each of is responsible for defining our purpose. When I … Continue reading Existential Depression and the Search for Meaning

Between the Waves of Mental Illness

In my experience, living with mental illness is like riding waves. A drastic crescendo followed by a swift plummet, repeating over and over again. As the high waves cascade over me, I feel euphoric, invincible, impulsive, and exhilarated. But like any joyride, these waves are unsustainable, unmanageable and overwhelming. When the waves come crashing down, … Continue reading Between the Waves of Mental Illness